Try something along the lines of: “I’ve been having a lot of fun and I’m just wondering what you’re looking for out of this.” Let her know that you don’t need an answer immediately, but that you’d like to talk about it before this goes too far. You can also start by asking her what she’s looking for.
You can also follow up with something along the lines of “if you are looking for a relationship, and are no longer interested in hanging out, I understand, but I’m having a great time and would love to see you again.” Unfortunately “I’m just not looking to date right now” has been appropriated by people who are just trying to weasel their way out of a tense breakup talk, so that little addendum just lets her know that it’s not her, it really is you. “I want to be upfront with you that I’m not looking to date right now,” is a good start. Don’t start your sentence with anything resembling “Just to be fair to you…” or “I just thought you would want to know…” This isn’t about her, it’s about you. You don’t get extra points for being clear about what you want just because the rest of society’s daters are out there pulling bare minimum bullshit. It’s not a favor it’s simply the right thing to do. Don’t treat it as a favor to her that you’re giving her a heads up. If, however, you are opposed to/not ready for/otherwise uninterested in putting any effort into dating a person, let them know. (If you are genuinely open to something more happening beyond the bedroom, but wouldn’t be bothered if this went no further than a couple meetings on your still-on-the-floor mattress, then you don’t need to spell that out.) If you can, talk about it before you start to go on date-like activities with her-"date-like" meaning anything that involves leaving your houses, or anything or that starts before 9 P.M. Or, more accurately, what you’re not interested in. But if you guys are texting the day after said sexy times, that’s a good time to lay down what you’re interested in. You don’t need to shout MY NAME IS ANTONIO AND I’M NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS over the music the night you meet a girl on the dance floor, or in the Lyft on the way back to her place to hook up. Just like disclosing a lethal food allergy, the sooner and more clearly you alert her, the better. Luckily for me, he texted me after the first time we hooked up and let me know that he still saw us as platonic friends, despite the hookup-which was fine with me-and we had a vaguely mature talk about it and then we never had to talk about it again, since we both knew each others’ expectations.Īll said, a woman might reasonably fall to pieces if you wait to tell her you’re just looking to fool around until you've shared eight months of loosely-hooking-up-and-also-doing-lots-of-date-like-activities. I just figured it would be obvious that we were only there to have sex if all we ever did was have sex (also, I don’t really like making out). I think it was a subconscious effect of Pretty Woman. I once had a friends with benefits whom I never kissed on the mouth. Neither does never being the one to text first, or liking other girls' Insta pics, or bringing up your ex constantly (although that is definitely an effective way to prevent serious relationships). Leaving someone’s house immediately after sex, for example, doesn’t count as communicating your expectations for the relationship. Of course, we try to make our intentions known, but we often fail. Sometimes this dance lasts minutes, and sometimes it lasts months or years. Knowing the answer prevents later heartbreak.Īll relationships-even one night-long relationships-involve a delicate dance of trying to ascertain the other person’s intentions.
#DATE UP HOOK MOVIE#
Every woman who has dated men has at some point said something to the tune of: “If only he had just let me know up front that he wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Sometimes it’s the opposite: “I didn’t realize he was so into me I thought we were just hooking up.” There’s a reason “what is your intention with my daughter” is the first question all movie dads ask.
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